Life and Death

My sweet precious grandma passes away. She was 90 1/2 =) No matter how old, no matter how "expected" no matter all that stuff, it still hurts. I cried...a lot. Then when I was worn out, I cried some more. I spent a few days in a daze, I had lots of dreams about her, I know she is in Heaven. My mom said I was the last one of us grandkids to speak to her. She is at peace I know. I am working at getting there.

I came across this quote, I don't know who it is from but it is perfect:

Death is not extinguishing the light; it is only putting out the lamp because the dawn has come.

The dawn has come for my grandmother, he life has become full circle. I miss her, I know she knows I miss her, time will heal.

I found this picture I took of my grandmothers hand and my daughters hand. The span of 4 generations in 1 picture.

Quiet

I have to admit, I am not up for writing much today. My grandmother is near death and I am just overwhelmed with thoughts of her, on traveling to CA, on what my mom is going through, and tons of other things. My grandma has always been a quiet person. She never spoke much but when she did it was so powerful. She is a very moral person, very kind, very generous, very sweet. She loves Jesus with everything that she is.

Three years ago her Alzheimer got so bad that she needed to be put in a nursing home. That was tough to say the least.  About 18 months ago I visited her for the last time. She didn't recognize me. This was the grandma who lived with me since I was 5! She didn't know who I was. A stranger? A friend? Someone who works at the nursing home? She didn't know. She was nice to me but she was cold in that she didn't have the warmth of a grandma to her granddaughter.


I am sad. I don't want to go. I have never gone to funerals. At least to none who have been close to me. Is that bad? My sweet grandma. For decades I called her "Haji Maji". It was a joke between us that does not need revealing here. Suffice it to say, that is what encompasses so much of our relationship. Two made up words that have meant so much for so long that really no one else will ever fully understand but was such an intimate connection between her and I.

I love my Haji Maji. I know as with the birth of my children and the newness they bring, that at some time I must also face the reality of the end of life and that seems to be coming quickly. I am not ready. No one ever is really but right now, I am really not ready. I am gonna sit and be quiet.

What can you do?

Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.  ~John Wooden

My wonderful husband, like most husbands, struggles on what to do to show me he loves me. He wants to take me on a wonderful vacation and buy me jewels, days at the spa, flowers and candy etc but with 2 kids and a mortgage those things often take a back seat to the realities of life (sometimes so does a shower but that's a different posting all together!). He gets flustered (poor guy, I love you!) but what I always tell him, don't worry about what you can't do right now, focus on what you can do. Sometimes he gets it, sometimes he doesn't. Meaning sometimes he makes a spa appointment forgetting we haven't gone grocery shopping and sometimes he just rubs my hands and feet (hint: that is ALWAYS a good idea).

When you think about it, we often focus on what we can't do which does nothing positive in our life. Instead if we focus on the positive, on what we CAN do, we can accomplish so much more because our energy is focused on something useful and purposeful. Plus, we see success which in turn breeds ore success. This takes our conversations within our minds into a positive direction and that is good for the soul. 

What can you do today? For some it may be climbing that huge mountain, but for most, it may just be walking around the block. What about focusing on an action plan then taking even just one small step in that plan? Followed by another one tomorrow.   


What can YOU do today? Where can you focus your mind and heart on to find success instead of what you can't do (right now!)? Keep focused on that and you may be surprised that the desires you had will suddenly come into view.

Be Still and Hear Your Heart Song

The world can be a crazy busy place. Pulling us in different directions with the infamous "should" syndrome. You should do this, you should do that, you need to do this, you need to do that.

SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Be quiet will ya?

Can you hear your heart song? Can you hear the melody of your life? Can you hear the direction it is drawing you in? If you can't then be even quieter. Be more still. Listen more not to the chaos outside, but to the peace inside. It can be hard I know.

Listen.

What is it saying? Where does your heart want to take you to that your mind is fighting?


I was putting the kids down for a nap after I had just confronted someone I was doing business with that (in a nutshell) was wanting me to work REALLY hard to grow her business and all the while I was only gonna see a small percentage of MY sales. Yeah that was not gonna work so I left. I came home to where my heart is. It sang to me! The most beautiful song. To be home. To be the teacher and care taker of my babies. Oh how my heart sang! Why do we drown out that beautiful song for the loud noise of SHOULD? Oh what has this world come to?

Can you imagine if even for a day we all did what made our heart sing? What would life be like? Listen to your heart, feel the rhythm and dance that song! Dance the song of your heart. What joy! What love! What beauty!

Go today and be still and find that song; then live it!

Let it Rain

Speak Kindly was started as a way to remind ourselves that the words we speak should be of good use to our soul. I came across this quote that I thought it really exemplified the essence of my mission:

Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a (wo)man's growth without destroying (her) his roots.  ~Frank A. Clark

 

I have so often heard women criticize themselves to the point of destruction. Between the messages from the media and the messages from our own mind, women can be battling a war in their minds and in their hearts while “putting on a happy face”. No one is perfect, we can all agree on that. We all have room for improvement so long as that improvement is self generated and self nourishing. I urge you to really allow this quote to pour over your soul, let it wash away the bad, let it nourish your greatness. Breathe. Rest. Repeat.

Live Simply, Simply Living

I don’t know if it is age or just our experiences but my husband and I are sick of all the baggage in life on many levels. As a society we are over obligated, over spent, over burdened, over stuffed, and over sized. We purchased our house less than a year ago and so we have been trying to partially unpack and partially sift through all our STUFF. I often laugh when I think I moved to San Antonio in 2002 with nothing but me, the dog, my Explorer (stuffed), and a U-Haul trailer filled with everything I owned.

Now? My God we have LOTS of stuff! I will say this though, we have seen many of our neighbor’s homes and they have WAY more stuff than we do which blows our mind!

We are working hard at minimizing, at living simply. I look at my kids and we don’t buy them lots of stuff. Granted Nana does but we don’t. The most we splurge on (aside from clothes and diapers and food of course) is books and small stuffed animals. The stuffed animals are great because they are perfect size for them holding onto but not overwhelming. The books because they love to look at them and so we can read to them.

We have a small area for their toys and books and I love that. It is simple. While they have a few large toys that Nana gave them, for the most part, they have very little in terms of stuff. The awesome thing though is that they don’t care about the stuff (unless it is Dora the Explorer ugh!!!) they care about the experiences we give them when we take them to the playground or when we take lots of pictures and they get to relive those experiences. With few exception, and depending on how things have been recently, you would not know too obviously that we have kids because everything in our home doesn’t scream kids. We like that. We like the simplicity of our home not looking like a school. We like the simplicity of experiences rather than stuff.  We are working on getting the rest of our lives to align that way but at least the kids live simply thus allowing them to simply live and more importantly, live free! 

Simply,

Michelle

Generations

The great use of life is to spend it for something that outlasts it.  ~William James

What really matters in life? What message are you giving yourself? What messages are you allowing into your life and the lives of your family? What are you spending your time on and investing in?

I found this picture of my kids:

It reminds me about what is important, about what I am spending time on, about what will outlast me. Becoming a mom changed me a great deal. What used to be pointless and empty is now full of passion and purpose. Looking at my children I see that the decisions I make, the things I say, and the actions I take have a lasting impact for generations.

Today we went to a friend’s birthday party and I put some effort into getting dressed up. My daughter looked at me and said that I looked very beautiful. Even though I didn’t feel it, I happily said thank you. I wanted her to hear the appreciation from me rather than the “no I am not, I still haven’t lost the 20 pounds I gained from your brother”. The messages I give to her will impact her as she grows up. The issue is will they be positive or negative, will they lift her up or tear her down, will they make her a better person or contribute to the “downs” she will experience in life?

I am not perfect but I am keeping in mind that the things I do, the words I say will impact more than just me, they will impact my next generation!

Speak Kindly,

Michelle